[TW fatphobia, slurs, bullying, abusive behaviour, suicide]

This has come back to mind lately for a couple of reasons: I have a new co-worker, who has accepted me hundred percent and it’s been really nice, and my mum found some old photos yesterday, and decided to compare me now to how “slim” I was when I was 12.

I have always been fat, it’s just a simple fact. I was tall for my age, an early developer, and I was fat. So of course I was the target for all the bullies.

Being told, at age nine, by fellow nine year olds, that you’re disgusting, that you will never amount to anything, that you deserve to die, has a lasting effect.

As a society, we are programmed to despise fat people, to treat us like we’re second rate, unworthy of respect, love or basic human decency. We are taught that the ideal we see in the media is worthy killing ourselves over.

And it is fucking disgusting.

It can be hard supporting your fat friends with this shit though; it can be easy to feed into the cycle of “well, if you just lost a little weight”, which doesn’t help anything. Words have more power than a lot of people give them credit for, which makes them dangerous.

The first time I tried to kill myself, I was nine years old.

And I have family who feed into these cycles, even though we’re all built the same. Which doesn’t help the situation.

And I know I’m not alone in this. It’s a shitty position to be in.

So what can we do? Be gentle, be kind. Don’t feed into the cycles of down talking, of self harm, of dangerous behaviour. Don’t downplay them either though: this is where it becomes tricky, because it’s easy to panic over this sort of thing.

Being gentle and kind applies to all areas of life, and doubly so here. I have no words of wisdom or clever way to finish this, so there we go.

Don’t let society grind us down for being who we are.

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